Does your spouse ever?

[Addicted2~Jesus]

Does your spouse ever play the martydom card? My wifes been playin it some lately, an it's bout to send me plumb over the edge. Someone done gone an lit a fire under er backside an she's all fired up ticked off bout .... well.... you jes bout name it. An it don't mix well wit me havin been out on the road for two months pert near straight so's it's a very volitle mix at the moment. I hadn't broke nuthin yet but I sure am feelin like findin sumthin er nother an jes bash the snot outta it. Any ideas how to defuse the situation before thins go right through the roof?

[seebs]

Not so often, but I've had friends and roommates who could.

Feelings are rough. You have to grant that they are at some level valid -- she really is feeling that way. And yet, that doesn't mean that the external justifications are there.

When times are rough, it's not uncommon for both spouses to give more than they feel comfortable giving, and both to be stressed.

One thing that might be useful is to try to better see each others' contributions. Also, make lists of things you like and dislike. My spouse and I have had situations where the simple resolution to a problem was for us to trade off duties, because each of us had gotten the side of a deal we liked least.

Find what's easiest, or hardest, for each of you, and try to work with that as much as you can. Don't forget that you being away is going to be hard on both of you; it's not necessary to claim it as one person's burden or another. It's okay for it to be a burden you both have to deal with, because of your job or whatever.

[pdudgeon]

yea, i think i'd definitely do something about being out on the road so much.:( that's a marriage killer in itself.

my dad was a truck driver so i know the life.
he had a chance to make some money doing long haul driving (two weeks round trip) and that lasted exactly one month. My mom put her foot down and he switched companies so he could be home every night. It was good to know that he considered us more important than the truck.