Becoming of a man

[Kopilo]

Not having a strong male role model of my own this is a question I have asked myself many times, what constitutes being a man (as opposed to a boy), is it a set of values that is enacted? Is it a certain amount of strength, courage and bravery, accepting responsibility? Is it being content with one's self and one's own body? I personally believe that it is all of the above.

However I'm starting to notice that other people base what they think constitutes someone becoming a man based on life events, learning to drive a car, having sexual relations, etc.

So I'm asking you what constitutes a man and why?

[Tears of Ash]

They have to drive a big car, play sports, have a deep grunt, have lots of sexual partners, and they have to open doors for us ladies.

[Kopilo]

but why? :p

[Tears of Ash]

Do as your told, boy. That's how a real man acts.

[Kopilo]

Do as your told, boy. That's how a real man acts.
ROFL, well ok... I have all of the mentioned except for the lots of sexual partners... Want to contribute? (joking) :p

[Tears of Ash]

I'm not...gay?

[Glass*Soul]

ToA, are you experiencing some ambivalence regarding your gender?

[Kopilo]

ROFLMAO,

Anyway as this thread is totally derailing, I guess I should have known better then to ask such a serious question on an internet forum.

[Tears of Ash]

I was being serious. >=(

Just not exactly as "direct" as you'd hope.

[Received]

Being a man means fitting into whatever cultural standards there for being men.

Of course, that's bullshit questioning begging from the start. People who are androgynous tend to be much happier than sex-specific little boys. That might be because being androgynous opens you up to what it means to being a human -- i.e., functioning optimally according to your species. But sadly these thoughts belong to a minority, and all the television hypnotized assholes with overexpensive vehicles we call men hold contempt for anything different, anything "unmanly". The secret sadness of this is that "manliness" tends again towards the herd mentality, worrying about what other manly men think. Ironically, to work to show that you have a huge penis these days (which is essentially what it means to be a man) really means that you have a pretty laughable stock given that you're a secret whore for the preference of others and are too little a human being to be independent. Not that hard to prove: try bluntly asking another "man" why he watches sports when there are other "men" in the room, and unless he really authentically likes it, he'll answer you by looking to his other cronies for support.

That said, frat boys have the smallest ontological penises.

[Texas Lynn]

An effeminate and effete man like Truman Capote has more innate masculinity than a bravado-spouting John Wayne any day.

[Danhalen]

An effeminate and effete man like Truman Capote has more innate masculinity than a bravado-spouting John Wayne any day.Not that I disagree, but without defining your terms this is just sloppy.

[Danhalen]

Becoming a man in your own right is something personal that only you will know when it comes to pass. I tend to think males who need to wear their testosterone on their sleeves are not really men because they are trying to show you they are men. The man is the one who need not prove his manliness just like the woman is the one who need not display her femininity. Their becoming is usually not heralded by any particular event, nor is it demarcated by a singular discerning moment. It is usually a realization that occurs upon contemplation over series of connected events over the course of several years. The strange thing is that once you realize you are a man you still can feel it come to pass again. Perhaps being a man is a never ending process of becoming comfortable with who we are.

[Kopilo]

Thank you so much for the responses.. I've felt like an adult for so long but can recognise when I have acted like a little boy and when I have acted like an adult. I guess we are all children at times but I think you are right in the sense that being a man is a never ending process of being comfortable with ourselves.. Working out who we want to be and enacting the values we hold dearest to ourselves.

Even if you didn't intend it the past few responses have helped me a great deal, once again thank you. :)