Favorite Jack Handey quotes....

[Michie]

One of mine-

Probably the worst thing about having King Kong go rampid in your town would be the huge, monster genitalia.

Jack Handey

[monkeywrench]

One of mine-

Probably the worst thing about having King Kong go rampid in your town would be the huge, monster genitalia.

Jack HandeyDamn that's funny.

*wipes away tear*

[Glass*Soul]

At the risk of marking myself for all time as an outsider...who's Jack Handey?

[Michie]

At the risk of marking myself for all time as an outsider...who's Jack Handey?

Jack Handey
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Handey

[Michie]

A few examples of Jack Handey nuggets of wisdom to live by-

Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said "Hey, hows it going?". So I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his head and said "Now whose asking the questions?"


When I was in the 3rd grade, a bully in school started beating me up every day. At first I didn't say anything, but then I told dad. He got a real scared look on his face and asked if the bully had a big dad. I said I didn't know. But he still seemed scared. And just a few days later we moved to a new town. Dad told me that if anyone picked on me, not to fight back. Unless I knew the kid didn't have a dad or the dad was real small. Otherwise just curl up in a ball.


I think college administrators should encourage students to urinate on walls and bushes, because then when students from another college come sniffing around, they'll know this is someone else's territory.


I think my new thing will be to try to be a real happy guy. I'll just walk around being real happy until some jerk says something stupid to me.

Probably the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Forget it, little friend.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

Just because swans mate for life, I don't think its that big a deal. First of all, if you're a swan, you're probably not going to find a swan that looks much better than the one you've got, so why not mate for life?

:D

All bow to the greatness of Jack.

[Michie]

If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like "Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.

[pageroks]

My favorite:

We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town.

[Michie]

My favorite:

We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town.

Oh! I remember that one! :D